Restorations Magazine

RIDGECREST, N.C., 4/20/09 – Singleness is not a waiting period. It’s a time of celebrating and basking in an intimate relationship with Christ.

About 100 young adults and conference leaders gathered at LifeWay Ridgecrest Conference Center near Asheville, N.C., April 10-13, to learn how their time of being single can be the best and most spiritually fulfilling time of their lives. LifeWay Christian Resources of the Southern Baptist Convention and Baptist Collegiate Ministries (BCM) of Greater Nashville (Tenn.) co-sponsored the event.

JoAnn Scaife, BCM director for Tennessee State University and Fisk University, both in Nashville, and founder of Living Single in Faith ministry, coordinated the event, which drew college students and young adults from around the country, as well as one student from Canada.

"This event is planned with urban singles in mind," Scaife said. "It’s designed as a multicultural experience where these young adults can come together and discover not only the joy of being single, but also the tremendous opportunity for spiritual growth and intimacy with Christ that their time of singleness offers."

Time for God’s business

Casey Sanders, seminar leader and graduate student from Brentwood, Tenn., told the young women in her breakout session that being single is about "God’s business."

"Bask in that," she said. "When you feel like you don’t have anyone in your life, rejoice. That means God has his angels surrounding you, protecting you from some people who could be bad for you."

She cautioned the young women to not listen to the culture that tells them another person can make them complete.

"You can only be complete in God," she said. "Never, ever think that you will find a man who will make you complete. If you go into a marriage as an incomplete person, all you will have is an incomplete marriage."

Singleness is a time for discovering purpose, said speaker Darryl Sims, founder and president of Evangucation Ministries in Chicago.

"Purpose is always connected to God," he said.

Purpose, according to Sims, gives individuals passion and power – but it also brings pain.

Passion, he said, is something a person just can’t get enough of. "This is something you would do all the time even if you didn’t get paid for it. People are blessed by your passion."

A passion brings the power to make things happen. He said people can always find the time to do what excites them most.

"Anything worth having, though, you will pay a price for it," Sims said. "It will cost you dearly. People will talk about you. You will not have the time to go and do things that others do. You will invest sweat equity in your passion. But, when the pain is attached to God’s purpose for you, it is marvelous!

"When you start to view pain as a part of the process of achieving your passion, you learn to embrace it," he said. "Pain will become your fuel."

Time for talk

Chris Sanders, a former player for the NFL's Tennessee Titans, told the group that talking is the best way to get to know someone of the opposite sex. "Too often, we focus on kissing someone’s mouth instead of focusing on what comes out of his or her mouth.

"I have a group of men in my life who hold me accountable," he said. "We meet at Shoney’s for Bible study every week and they ask me if I am listening to my wife, talking to my wife, serving my wife and meeting her needs."

Abstinence is possible

Darren Washington, author of A Dummies Guide to Sexual Abstinence, said abstinence is possible and revealed that he has been abstinent for 16 years. Staying close to God and letting Him meet your need for intimacy is key, Washington said.

He listed steps to staying abstinent: Know Jesus is your Savior, read and have faith in God’s Word and apply it to your life, be content in being single, desire and commit to living a life of abstinence, don’t allow emotions to rule over you, and keep company with people who are supportive of your decision and choice.

Musical interlude

Musical guests included Grammy and Stellar Award nominee Cynthia Jones, singer/songwriter Kevin Levar and Trin-I-Tee 5:7, the best-selling female trio in gospel music.

Adrian Anderson, a member of Trin-I-Tee 5:7 and a single woman herself, told the group that singleness is a wonderful time of life.

"This is time you can work on a career that ignites your passion," she said. "Take advantage of this time to find and develop interests. Don’t just wait, moaning to your friends about being single. Develop yourself and make yourself whole. Remember that Jesus is the only One who wants a broken person. Your future mate will want you whole!"

Replace loneliness

Veryl Howard, founder of On a Mission for Christ International Ministries, based in Fayetteville, N.C., spoke on loneliness.

"You can be married and be lonely," she said. "Loneliness is a psychological state of mind. It is a lack of relationship with God. It’s a separation."

She reminded attendees to let their singleness be purposeful.

"Do all you can for Kingdom work while you are single," she said. "Maximize your time. Discover your assets for the Kingdom. Get spiritually detoxed. Get rid of those soul ties."

Freedom in singleness

Jamey Gilliland, collegiate ministry director for both Rogers State University in Claremore, Okla., and Tulsa Community College in Tulsa, Okla., said that marriage means people have to choose their ministry.

"When you get married, your husband or wife becomes your first ministry," he said. "You give up the freedom and right to take some risks."

He suggested that singles make a "stop doing" list. The list should include items such as stop making fall-back pacts; don’t buy a pet with a boyfriend or girlfriend; don’t play house, which he defined as partially living together; don’t buy furniture together; and don’t develop a sexual relationship.

"All those things can get messy," he said. "They can hurt you. When you get that ring on your finger, you want to have as few scars as possible."

Transparency

"Our goal for this conference was to touch every age of this single life," Scaife said. "We wanted to speak to students who are preparing to embark on their careers, as well as those who are already in the work force and living as single adults."

Attendees’ comments about the conference praised the transparency of the speakers. "I didn’t grow up with a father around," one young man said. "This has been so eye-opening. It’s the first time I have been around this many godly men who talk straight to me and tell me what I need to do to be a great man of God myself."

A young woman added, "It has been amazing to hear these speakers, these adults who are strong Christians, tell us that they made mistakes, they had sex, they did drugs, but that they saw it was sin and turned from it," she said. "God forgave them and they were able to become godly people. Nobody talks straight like that to us. No one else has been that real."